where is my love story? it's good that happy beginnings are occurring - may they lead to more happy beginnings.

i'm trying to remember my childhood crushes. i think the first one, i ate. skittles. and i recall having a moment through a glass with a baby gorilla in the taipei zoo when i was little. i still remember THE MOMENT vividly. call it the monkey connection. the third crush i had, was with a pair of red lacey panties i saw in the night market. mama szu bought it for me cos she saw it in my eyes that i fancied it. i wore it, ran around the apartment with it, peeked through the bottom of doors with it. i think i was 3, or 4.

but the first boy i was attracted to was probably in first grade. he was quiet, nice to look at, mild mannered, and his cheeks were always pink. but that being my first experience in coed schooling (i barely showed up in the three years of kindergarten - never managed to get out of bed on time), boys were icky. we sat next to each other at wooden bench tables meant for two, and drew a line of chalk down the middle. i remember blushing when borrowing his eraser, or writing board, or pencil. maybe he blushed too. all the other boys i used to beat up, and i think they rather enjoyed the attention.

the first boy that crushed on me was a brainy fellow :) actually, i can't verify if he crushed on me, but that's what everyone else told me. we met in a special class set for students who excelled in putting puzzles and shapes together (some mensa shit for elementary kids), and bonded over films about cobras and science projects. he looked charlie brown with marcie's glasses. i think he had to pin a carnation on my shirt once for some ceremony thing, and i might've avoided his eyes.

then i moved to the states. i didn't understand a word of english so people would tell me that all these guys had crushes on me (liars!). then i got into junior high school. very ugly time. think girl pigpen with glasses. high school was alright, cleaned up a bit. college was alright, cleaned up some more. graduated, got ugly again. cleaning up again now. there were a few boys mixed in there somewhere.

memories are funny. i think i'm making some of them up. kind of like what james frey did.

happy chinese new year! it's the year of the bow wow woooomp!


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