1.18.2006

me, myself, and my life

in college, i deeply believed that in order for work to be worthwhile, it has to be challenging. i mistook challenging for stressful and busy (and it’s one of the myths they try to feed you in business school), and so i kept looking for opportunities to stress myself out – i changed career paths frequently (commodities, web design, derivatives, health administration, real estate), each time learning everything from scratch (hence the stress). it took me awhile to realize how expensive it is to change career by choice – i would stay at entry-level salary, while those who had the discipline to stay in one field had the opportunity to demand higher pay with each annual review because they were able to hone the skills that are valuable to their field of choice.

i am the youngest policy-making/non-secretarial staff in my department. now that almost fools me into thinking i'm entitled to feeling a bit smug. truth is, i got lucky, the timing was right. another truth is, most young professionals with the same credentials as me, are in the private sector making loads more money, and/or just don't have the patience to deal with the politics and bureaucracy.

sometimes i get frustrated – too boring, too detail-oriented, too slow, too geriatric, too many steps to do a seemingly simple task. despite all that, it’s a really good job – easygoing, good benefits, good hours (less than 40 hours a week! unheard of in new york!), scrupulous peers. and when i am in the office, i probably work less than 50% of the time.

and that scares me. what if i get used to this easygoing pace and can never suck it up like the soldier i was during college again? i never want to work so stupid as i did in college, but i still have aspirations of running my own company one day (or some other form of money that makes itself) – and entrepreneurs do not sleep very much at all. on top of that, i want to be a mother, and entrepreneurs aren’t available very often either.

i need things to fall into place here :)

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